Landslide
by Meibao
Summary: AU after 5x21, general spoilers for Season 5. Fallen!Castiel."Everything you talk about has something to do with because 'Dean this' or 'Dean that'. What do you do when Dean's not around?" Destiel. Castiel decides he needs to make some changes.
1. Landslide

AU after 5x21, general spoilers for Season 5. Fallen!Castiel.

**.&.&.&.&.&.**

Castiel sits in the library, going over the books trying to look for something useful for their case. Castiel doesn't really need to be here, he can recite the lore about kelpie without the use of the trivial library system, or sorting through books for inconsistencies but both brothers seemed to trust the information more if he spent a few hours here. Why they didn't think a millennia old angel knew more about monsters than these books was something Castiel would never be able to comprehend.

Castiel might not be an angel anymore. But it didn't mean he lost his knowledge. Castiel's grace had all but vanished; he no longer had his super human strength, his ability to heal, or his ability to transport. All of that was gone, but he was not useless. Why Dean insisted on Castiel doing the research, or taking the more passive part in the hunting role, he also did not understand.

It frustrated Castiel to no end, and Sam only gave sympathetic glances, which did not help. At all. Castiel let out a huff, shifting the books around on the table in front of him. Sending Lucifer back into his prison had given the boys time to get back to 'the family business', as Dean called it. But it was not time that Dean wanted to share with Castiel. Castiel felt like he was encroaching on the brothers. Dean was accustomed to hunting only with Sam, so perhaps that's why Castiel was more often than not told to sit in the hotel room, or was sent off to the library.

Castiel can understand wanting to spend time with your brother, but Castiel began to wonder what it meant for Dean and him. Back when Lucifer was out, when they were fighting for their lives, when Castiel was rebelling, he and Dean had something. After the failed attempt at the whorehouse, Dean did not go back on his oath. Had Castiel met his demise at Raphael's hand that day, he would not have died a virgin.

It was not just something that Dean had showed him once either, there had been many times where they snuck away so Dean could show Castiel the finer perks of iniquity. But since they have been back on the road? Well, not so much, and usually only if Dean is very drunk. Which confused Castiel, and also had something else bubbling under his skin, but these feelings were still to complex for the ex-angel to fully understand.

"Writing a research paper?"

Castiel looked up at the new voice. There was a man standing next to him, perhaps only a few years younger than Castiel's body (and it was his now, Jimmy vacating it since his fall, there just wasn't enough room for two without the buffer of Castiel's grace). He had light blonde hair, and hazel eyes. Castiel looked back at his books, then back up to the stranger.

"No, I just like to read." The man frowns at him, and leans over to look at what he's reading. Castiel doesn't know whether or not he should hide the books away. Despite being human for almost six months Castiel still doesn't have the necessary people skills to interview witness, or bluff with the cops. He is usually left alone in the library, and doesn't know how to handle this new contact.

"You like reading about old Scottish mythology?" The man asks, skeptical.

"I do enjoy mythology. I find it very entertaining." Castiel answers, and it's not a lie. Castiel still has yet to perfect that, another reason he is sure Dean sends him to the library for. What humans have recorded of the mythological beings amuses him. The history of the world as told by the humans also amuses him. He's lived through so much of it; it's funny how obscure it's become over the years.

"Really?" The guy questions, raising an eyebrow that reminds him of Dean. When Castiel doesn't say anything to the contrary, the guy sighs. "Alright, fine. So maybe you enjoy mythology, but there has to be something better… here hold on."

Castiel doesn't know what the man wants him to hold on to, but he doesn't question it as he walks away. Castiel turns back towards his readings. It's not long before the man ambles back over to Castiel. He's holding a thick looking paperback, and thrusts it out towards him. Castiel stares out it for a few moments, before taking it in his hands.

"The Fellowship of the Ring?" Castiel asks looking up from the worn cover. The guy rolls his eyes, and sits down at the table Castiel is at.

"It has to be more enjoyable reading, than the…" He glances at the books laying in front of Castiel again, "…history of the Kelpie."

Castiel looks down at the book, then back at the man again.

"Trust me." He grins at Castiel, who nods.

"I should be going soon…" Castiel starts, looking up towards the check out counter. Castiel may not be socially adept, but he has read the rules, and knows how the library works.

"Great, here. I'll help you check out." The man ambles out of the seat, as Castiel gathers his things. He places his books on the counter and pulls out the library card. The man is very efficient in his job, taking only seconds to check out all the books.

"You sure got a lot of books about those Kelpies, for light reading?" The man suggests, and Castiel is beginning to feel odd about not knowing his name.

"Dean would be displeased if I didn't bring back some literature." Castiel says, slipping his card back into his wallet.

"Oh? Well, we wouldn't want that to happen." The man jokes.

"It involves shouting, and is rather unpleasant." Castiel deadpans, he's trying to fight the small smile but the man sees it and laughs.

"I'm Kyle," He states holding his hand out. Castiel takes it.

"I'm Castiel." He responds, because he refused to give up the name his Father had given him.

"Castiel…named after an angel?" Kyle asks, and Castiel is surprised this man knows it. He has the urge to shout 'Christo' just to be sure, but Castiel fights the urge.

"Yes."

"What a fitting name then." Castiel has the vague impression he's being flirted with. He's rather flattered. He's not sure what the correct response would be, nor how he should proceed seeing as he may or may not be in a relationship.

"Cas." He looks behind him at Dean, and straightens up off the counter saved from his thoughts and replying to the flirting.

"Hello, Dean." Castiel greets, feeling Kyle's gaze on him as he takes the books from the counter. Castiel turns back towards Kyle, and nods at him,

"It was nice speaking with you." Castiel smiles at the man, because Dean has told him on many occasions to smile more, 'If you're happy smile, you're not a fucking robot, Cas.'

"A pleasure, I'm sure." Kyle responds, and Castiel turns away to meet face to face with a frowning Dean. Castiel sidesteps him easily, walking away from Dean's inquiry of 'Who the hell was that, Cas?' without so much as a backwards glance.

It was Dean's muttered 'Christo' that has Castiel rolling his eyes.

**.&.&.&.&.&.**

Castiel's come to understand that nothing can go easily for the Winchester Brothers. So the rather simple, straightforward way to take care of a Kelpie resulted in Dean limping, more like leaning heavily on Sam as he bleed profusely from his side, back into the hotel room. Castiel started and put down his copy of The Fellowship of the Ring, and grabbed the first aid kid.

Sam didn't seem to have any injuries as he gingerly laid Dean down on his bed. Sam stood back, allowing Castiel to remove Dean's shirt, and start washing away the blood. His eyes glance at Sam, who was very much not looking at Castiel, to Dean, who seemed to be threatening Sam with his eyes.

"I would very much appreciate an explanation." Castiel speaks, because if he doesn't, then neither of the two will. Castiel can feel, rather than see, the silent communication going on above his head, he lets it sit for a few minutes before he applies a bit too much pressure to Dean's side.

"Ow, fuck, Cas."

"Samuel?' Castiel asks, using Sam's full name to show his anger. Castiel eyes Dean again, but he is looking off to the side. Castiel's questioning gaze lands on Sam again, and the taller brother sighs.

"The idiot," Sam huffs, "got pulled in by the Kelpie. It worked it's magic, and before I was even half way done, there was Dean walking into water. So I tired to hurry up, and it must've noticed something because it started thrashing around, and knocked Dean into some metal in the river, and well…"

Sam ends his story with a weak gesture towards Dean's mid section. Dean snorts, "I play my part well, it didn't even notice you till you started screwing with the plan."

Sam says something to defend himself, and Dean snarks back. Castiel has stopped paying attention at this point. He's begun to think about what would've happened if he was at the hunt. If Castiel was present, he could've pulled Dean back from the water. If Castiel had been there, he could've said the ritual instead, his memory was not lost, and once he'd read how to do something he committed it memory. Surely he would've been able to recite it faster than Sam, and not allow enough time for the Kelpie to lure either of them in.

"Woah, Hey Cas," Dean shakes him from his thoughts. Still angry, Castiel locks eyes with Dean, who to his credit gulps, "How about a little alcohol to numb the pain, yeah?"

Castiel looks down at this hands, he's got the needle lined up, and the skin pinched together. He looks back up at Dean, "Do you require some? You seem to enjoy getting hurt for the sake of it."

"Cas…" Dean says, but Castiel doesn't want to hear it. Because the words are always the same. Dean will be adamant that this would've happened, whether Castiel was there or not. He would claim that something far worse could've happened to the ex-angel if he was there. To which Castiel would defend his usefulness, and ability to take care of his self. Dean would accept this, and on the next hunt still leave Castiel sitting in the motel room. It was the same each time.

"Sam, will you please sew your brother up? I can not abide his stupidity any longer." He hands Sam the needle, before grabbing his book and walking out the door.

**.&.&.&.&.&.**

Castiel doesn't really know where he's walking until he ends up outside the library. Which lucky for him is still open. Castiel ends up going to the upper level, and finding a soft chair hidden between stacks of books. Making himself comfortable, he opens his book vowing not to contact Dean or Sam until he's finished.

He's more than half way through the book when a figure is looming over him. Looking up, expecting it to be Sam more so than Dean, he surprised to find Kyle.

"Hey, when'd you come back?" Kyle asks.

"A few hours ago, I believe."

Kyle nods, then looks at his feet. "So was Dean 'displeased' with your literature choices?"

Castiel laughs, and he can't help but notice the way Kyle's face lights up in a smile, "I do believe in this situation, I'm the one who is displeased with Dean."

"Ah, you two get into a fight?" Kyle asks leaning on a near by stack.

Castiel isn't sure what it is about Kyle, perhaps it's that this is one of the longest conversations he's had outside of the brothers, but Castiel tells Kyle everything. Not everything, everything but about his life with the brothers, how they travel from town to town, and that Dean does stupid things when he feels that he has no options left, but won't let Castiel help him. He turns the slice through the stomach into a cut above the eye, gained not by falling in a polluted lake, but in a bar fight.

"You didn't go to the bar with him?" Kyle asks, now sitting comfortably on the floor.

"I do not drink." Castiel answers easily back.

"Why not?" Kyle asks again, but at the silence adds "Not meaning to pry, but is it religious or?"

"Dean does not like it when I drink." Castiel responds, "He has asked me not to."

"And you just go along with it?" Kyle asks. Castiel doesn't know how to respond. Castiel has done many things, thought about many things just because Dean asked him to. Drinking is very small compared to some of the actions.

"I mean, Jesus, man. Everything you talk about has something to do with because 'Dean this' or 'Dean that'. What do you do when Dean's not around?"

Castiel stays silent because before he would've checked in on other charges, or flown about looking for his father, but now that he was human what would he do?

"If you wanna build your whole life around him, that's up to you, but man, I just don't see why you would."

Castiel nods, and Kyle picks himself up off the floor. "Aw, crap. I came up here to tell you the library was closing, like an hour ago."

Castiel says his goodbyes in a haze, and walks slowly back to the hotel thinking about what Kyle had implied. Did Castiel build his life around Dean? And what would he do when Dean was gone?

**.&.&.&.&.&.**

They end up spending two weeks in town because of Dean's injury. After Dean tried to get up from the bed, and ended up ripping out his stitches, Sam and Castiel ordered him to bed rest. Even sitting up was hard on Dean, and he would wince every time he was jostled. Dean was a horrible, bratty child when he couldn't leave the bed. He also whined.

Castiel and Sam took turns staying with him, and helping him to the bathroom. When it was Sam's turn and Castiel could escape the hotel room, he walked around the town or hung out in the library. A few times he and Kyle went to eat or sat in the park near by. It was a quiet small town. Castiel was very happy here, and dreaded the day he would be leaving.

But he was thinking about that a lot. What if he didn't want to leave? Castiel knew he could never ask Dean to stop hunting, never ask him to settle down for good. Because without hunting Dean lost a little part of him. Castiel loved Dean, and he knew it was more than the love he felt for all God's creatures. Castiel knew that somewhere along the line he'd come to care for Dean much more than angels were allowed. And now, he was human, completely in love with Dean, and very unsure how Dean felt about him.

Dean finally got his brother back. Castiel couldn't ask him to give that up, nor did he feel right intruding on the road trip the two were finishing.

So when Castiel was thinking of not leaving Castiel knew he would be the only one.

What was he to do if he followed Dean? He would sit in the back, he would be able to spend time with Dean, talk with him, watch over him….yes, but would that be all his life accumulated to? What if Dean died? God forbid. But what if? Where would Castiel go? What would he do? He had no friends outside the brothers, had no skills to survive in the human world.

He didn't know anyone here either, but he could. Castiel could find work, at the library perhaps, or cooking. (Castiel could cook, it was only a matter of following the recipe, and once he had that memorized…) He would pursue his friendship with Kyle, and the waitress Amy, at the restaurant down the road. He could start something here.

Kyle was right. Castiel's entire life was Dean, but Castiel was not Dean's entire life. Which Castiel understood, Human should not completely devote their life to one thing. It was unhealthy. You could devote your life to God, but still work, still have your own friends and events to attend. Castiel understood this now. There were other things to life. Other things than Dean Winchester.

If he stayed he might try drinking, or go see a movie. He could purchase his own clothes, and work for his own money. Find an apartment to rent. And if he was lucky, Dean's anger would lessen in time and the brothers would come visit.

**.&.&.&.&.&.**

"What the fuck are you talking about, Cas?"

Castiel bowed his head, his fingers playing with the strap of his duffle bag. Dean was not taking Castiel's decision well. Castiel imagined he would not, and didn't expect it to be pleasant, but he also didn't expect it to be this unpleasant.

"I have acquired residence here, and will be staying." Castiel says again, still not meeting anyone's eyes. Dean had been angered, and hurt when Castiel said the words, but so far Sam has been quiet and surprised, and if Castiel dared a bit proud.

"Yeah, well fuck that you don't know what you're doing…"

"Dean!" Sam yells at the same time Castiel's head pops up to see Dean take a step towards him. Castiel doesn't move back, but he doesn't let the grip on the strap loosen. Castiel might not have super human strength but he is strong enough to stop Dean from ripping the bag off his shoulder.

"What!" Dean yells, head turning to look back at Sam. "Don't give me a bitch face, he can't survive on his own, Sam. I mean how could he ever 'acquire residence'."

"I have sufficient means to rent an apartment, along with proper identification, and a job." Dean turns to look at Castiel.

"I have mastered the phone, I called Bobby, he helped me out with identification, and the means to rent the apartment. Amy, from the Sal's down the street, has helped me acquire employment. I may not be well versed in human ways, but I can learn, and survive on my own." Castiel says in a deathly whisper.

"Bobby, that fucking traitor…"is the only thing Dean can muster.

"So, you'll be alright here?" Sam speaks up, and Dean sends a perfect imitation of what he calls 'Sam's bitch face' towards his brother.

"Yes," Castiel says to Sam, before looking at Dean, "I am no child, I was around when the world was created, I do believe I am old enough to make my own decisions."

Sam nods at him, gives him a pat on the shoulder before making his way to the passenger side of the impala.

"Dean?" Sam calls, opening the door waiting.

"Are you sure about this?" Dean asks, voice low.

"I'm sure, Dean."

"Can you handle it?" Dean asks again, urgent eyes casting towards Sam.

"I will see, won't I?"

Dean frowns but nods, and opens his own door. Once inside he starts the Impala, and the comforting rumble fills the air. Dean pulls out of the parking spot, and Castiel watches as he turns out onto the road to drive. He waits until he can no longer see the taillights of the car before he turns around. Repositioning the duffle strap on his shoulder, he makes his way into the small downtown area of the town to find his apartment.

Change, Castiel reminds himself, is not always a bad thing.


	2. Don't Believe You

So I wasn't planning on writing anything else for this, but then I got this idea stuck in my head.

**.&.&.&.&.&.**

Dean can feel Sam's eyes on him. He sets his jaw and keeps throwing his things into his duffel bag making sure he has everything: knife, gun, ammo, clothes, ect. Dean's about 97 percent sure he hasn't done anything to piss Sam off since he stumbled out of the shower, but Sam was a little bitch so god only knows what has her panties in a twist.

"What, Samantha?" Dean asks turning to face his brother with a raised eyebrow. Sam is sitting on the motel bed, his duffel bag packed and staring at Dean with bitch face number 75, _Dean, you're being ridiculous._

Dean has seen this particular bitch face a number of times, mostly hazy memories of trying to talk Sam into things while drunk. However, this past year and a half, Dean's come to recognize it's second meaning _Go visit Cas, you fucking douche wad._

While the thought has crossed Dean's mind a number of times, there was always a reason not to. Right after Cas decided that he wanted to stay in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere, it was pride, if Cas didn't want to be with Dean well then fuck him. Dean didn't need him.

A few months after that, it was…well it was still pride, but Dean was thinking of stopping around for a booty call, because he could not go through with it and he had fucking _tried_. Dean was so desperate just to be with some one other than his hand, that he was willing to drop back into town to see Cas. Till Dean realized that he was Dean fucking Winchester, and he didn't go around looking for pity fucks.

Plus the whole 'if it's not Cas, I'm not getting up' rebellion Dean's dick decided on, just frustrated Dean and aggravated him. He was going to find someone to fuck, if it killed him. And it took forever to find someone who looked like Cas, and when they stumbled into the guy's apartment later that night, Dean finally getting laid. He didn't enjoy it. He walked into the hotel room, numb and empty, pushing Sam awake and telling him they were heading out early.

Dean might have felt a little too guilty about screwing a Cas-look-a-like afterwards to even think about going. Then a few months had turned into a year, and here he was half way through another year, and Dean still hadn't found his balls to man up and see Cas. He couldn't.

A year and a half was a long time. Dean is confident (mostly) in Cas' ability to adapt to human life. He sure that Cas has a job, a house, a life partner. And despite the months they had spent together, Dean imagines Cas with the waitress from the restaurant, with a kid on the way, and wedding band on his finger.

Who is Dean to go break that up? Dean didn't think he'd ever be able to leave the hunting life behind. He couldn't give it up a little more than a year ago, when Cas decided to stay. Cas obviously wanted something more; something that Dean couldn't provide him. It was all right, fine. Dean didn't mind it, so what. Many people have walked out of Dean's life, even if Castiel did sprout all that bullshit about a more profound bond. But Dean wasn't about to go have it rubbed in his face.

"Dean, you're not even listening." Sam sighs as he gets up, and starts pushing Dean's clothes into the duffel bag Dean has abandoned. "You're so useless now a days."

Dean smacks Sam upside the head before going outside, Sam yelling "AND MEANER," after him.

Dean pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, pulling out one and brings it to his lips. He groans at himself in his mind, as he fishes the lighter out of his pocket to light the damn thing. He doesn't even remember how he started this. It just became a habit, some excuse for his to leave the hotel room when the thought of Cas got too much, when he would wait for Cas to walk in with Sam, bickering about lore and geeking out over books Dean would never read. Dean finally lights it, and takes in a puff.

"And stupider." Sam says right beside him, pulling the cigarette out of Dean's hand. He throws it on the ground, stomping it under one massive foot. Dean stifles a moan, following Sam towards the Impala. Dean waits beside the driver side, while Sam throws both duffel bags into the trunk.

"What would Cas say?" Sam asks, as he shuts the trunk. Dean rolls his eyes, before climbing into the car. Dean's more worried about what Cas wouldn't say, because why would Cas still give a fuck about Dean.

"You know, we could swing by…" Sam starts, but Dean's heard this speech before. All it does is frustrate him, so he turns the ignition on hoping to drown out his brother. It doesn't work.

"Take a day or two, go round that way." Dean frowns at the road in front of him, and fiddles with his tapes trying to find something loud enough to stop the nagging.

"Dean, you're clearly a mess without him." And that is where Dean's patience ends. He pushes the first tape he gets his fingers on in, and cranks the volume. _Baby Come On Home_ by Led Zeppelin starts to play, and Sam snaps his mouth shut, a shit-eating grin crossing his face.

_Then one day, I set you up to walk right outta my life. Leavin' me all by myself, All alone, to cry every night._

This just proves there's a God, and he hates Dean.

**.&.&.&.&.&.**

Dean watches Sam out of the corner of his eye. Usually Dean doesn't question Sam's navigation, and just drives to where ever Sam directs. Still, he glances around at the nothing that rolling by him, its just endless green fields, and yet it feels familiar, really familiar. Dean can't pin point why.

If Dean didn't insist on driving through the night the perhaps he would've caught on to what Sam was doing, or at least ask questions. But Dean's tired, and hungry. So he pushes that weird feeling into the back of his head, keeping one eye on Sam, and one on the road.

He doesn't realize until they pull into the hotel parking lot where they are. Dean ends up parking in the same spot he drove away from a year and a half ago. He turns the car off, hands gripping onto the steering wheel hard enough to turn white.

Dean should've seen this coming from his brother, the constant pain in his ass. He also should have noticed the roads they were driving down, ones Dean had been avoiding since the day Cas ripped out his heart and gutted it.

"If I left it up to you, you would never see Cas again, and kill yourself." Sam says easing out of the car, and heading towards the trunk. Sam has got both duffel bags out of the trunk, and is shutting the lid before Dean even gets out of the car. Dean understands that Sam's worried because he's been taking more risks with hunting, and drinking more and now he's added smoking on top of it.

"Fine." Dean snaps, letting Sam win this one. "How the hell are we even going to find him, bitch?"

"It's not that big of a town, jerk." Sam replies easily.

Dean eyes him as he goes to get their room. Dean pulls out a cigarette, lighting it quickly. Sam huffs at him when he comes out tossing a key towards him. Dean throws his bag inside the room, eager to get something to eat. Sam, picks up Dean's on the way, walks into the room placing a bag on a bed.

Dean is bouncing on his heels, cigarette smoke floating around him. He finishes with it by time they walk to the restaurant, throwing it in the cigarette disposer. Dean is laughing at something Sam had said when walks in, but he stops just inside causing Sam to run into him.

Right there, right fucking there is Castiel. Dean is momentarily seized by the fear that he smells like cigarettes. _Stop being a fucking girl._ He chides himself mentally; it doesn't help him take a step forward, or open his mouth to say something.

"Dean?" Fuck, that voice. Dean missed hearing his name said in the gravelly tone. Castiel's head tilts in confusion, and Dean's happy that hasn't somehow disappeared with the rest of Cas. He's in nice fitting jeans, and a t-shirt. He's got an apron wrapped around his waist, and he's behind the counter leaning on the to talk to… and that's when Dean notices the other man there.

"Cas." Dean manages to grunt back. He sees counter guy turn and mouth something towards Castiel, before looking back at Dean. Sam steps in, starts talking to Castiel, asking him about his life. Dean isn't paying attention to anything that's going on. He's too busy staring at the guy that Cas was getting all cozy with.

Dean's almost positive he's seen the guy before, but from where he has no idea. The man had blond hair, was of slender build, and from what Dean could guess pretty short. The guy was wearing skinny jeans, and some weird loafers. He looked ridiculous, seriously? Total geek. Maybe that was Cas' type now. He had enough of broken men hiding behind leather, and old band t-shirts.

And fuck Cas, Dean never claimed that he was anything special. Castiel was the one going around telling Dean he was chosen, that he was the righteous man, with all that faith and devotion in his voice. Look where it got both of them.

Damn, that was so not the point.

"…that sounds great, Cas. We'll just grab a seat then." Dean smiles just at the right time for pleasant goodbyes, Sam is ushering him over to a booth. A pretty blonde comes over a few minutes later to give them menus. Dean looks it over quickly choosing a cheeseburger and fries, and Sam picks some healthy chicken shit.

As soon as the waitress leaves with their orders, and Castiel is back in the kitchen again, Sam kicks Dean under the table.

"Ow, what the hell?" Dean whisper-shouts, Sam just glares back at him giving him bitch face 46, _I know you're upset but don't be a dick_.

"He's happy here. Don't ruin this for him." Sam warns. Dean just pouts back. He has no intention of screwing anything up for Cas, if Dean recalled correctly, he didn't even want to be here. His eyes scan back to the counter finding hazel eyes locked on him. Cas' new boy toy is staring at Dean. Dean wants to glare back, but Sam kicks him in the shin again.

Fuck. If Sam kicked him one more time, Dean was going to beat Sam's ass. Fucking hurt. While Dean is planning his revenge on his brother their food comes. Because God does hate him, it's Castiel that brings out their food to them, not that Dean notices until Cas places the burger in front of Dean and he's caught in crystalline blue.

"Head chef, Cas. You're doing pretty well for yourself." Sam says eyeing his chicken appreciatively.

"We got a visit from the Head Chef?" Dean asks playful, smiling at Castiel. He can feel Sam's eyes on him for a split second, but Dean just wants to get out of this as quick as possible.

"Yes." Castiel replies easily, the two falling back into a staring contest before something snaps Castiel out of it. "Try a bite."

Dean looks down at the burger, before glancing up at Cas then Sam. Dean shrugs his shoulders, grabs the burger, brings it to his lips and takes a bite of fucking heaven. It has to be the best burger that Dean has ever tasted, and Dean has eaten tons of burgers.

"Fuck, Cas, you can cook." Dean says when he's swallowed enough for him to be able to speak; Sam wrinkles his nose at Dean blatant lack of manners, but agrees that his chicken is cooked to perfection.

"Thank you. Cooking is fairly simple, you just follow the recipe." Castiel dead pans, in his own humans are oh so funny humor. Dean can feel the grin spread on his lips at that, Castiel looks over at him, and Dean can feel his eyes running over him.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." Castiel says, a little more husky than normal, and shit that's Cas' sexy voice. What a goddamn tease. Feeding Dean meat with a side of seduction. And that sounded so wrong, but so right at the same time.

"So, will you two be coming over this evening, then?" Castiel asks, and Dean sort of freezes in his movements because he doesn't remember these plans ever being made. They were probably made when he was standing there like an idiot watching Cas and his familiar ass boyfriend.

"Yeah," Sam says, telling Dean to stop being a dick with his eyes, "We'll see you tonight."

**.&.&.&.&.&.**

This is not what Dean needed. It was one thing to check up on Castiel, make sure he was all right, and get the hell out of town. If Dean had done this of his own will, he probably wouldn't have even spoken to Castiel. It's another thing to be forced into seeing Castiel, and then confronted with how awesome his life is, and have to spend time watching Castiel and his new boyfriend. Imagining Castiel having a great life with a new lover was different than seeing it live and in person.

Dean dreaded going over to Cas' since they left the restaurant. Sam basically having to drag him over, and up the stairs to the apartment they were standing in front of. Dean's standing slightly behind Sam, not wanting to be apart of this, wishing he could go drown himself in some Jack or itching to run downstairs for a quick smoke. Both ideas Sam has vetoed, many times on their way over.

Castiel opens the door, and introduces the brothers to Kyle. Dean remembers where he'd seen Kyle before. He was the librarian who was flirting with Cas when Dean came to pick him up. Which is great because Dean got dumped for a fucking librarian.

Castiel serves cherry pie and coffee. Pie that he made, and served ale la mode, with cinnamon sprinkled over it. _Fucking show off_, Dean thought, before his brain bitterly supplied, _Kyle gets to eat like this every night._

The chat over pie and coffee transforms into stories of stupid things they've done, while all drinking beer, and scotch. Which fuck yeah, hard liquor, but Dean was worried. Images from 2014 filtering through his brain, but none of that happened, and it seemed like Cas wasn't an alcoholic or pill popper. Dean relaxed a little, sitting back enjoying listening to Castiel as he told public friendly stories of hunts and trips he had with the brothers.

It was under the guise of getting another beer that Dean slipped away. The air outside was cold, but it cleared his head and allowed him to focus. He pulls out his cigarettes, taking one and putting in his mouth as he lazily groped for his lighter.

Damn, Castiel had done well for himself. He has a job he loves, a good place to live, and fucking wonderful boyfriend. It was all the things Dean couldn't give to him, and Dean was happy for him. Not so happy that Dean would be visiting any time soon after the brothers left, but enough that he might call Cas every couple of months.

Dean just wanted Castiel to be happy. It wasn't his choice to end up a human, and Dean shouldn't have forced him into the hunting lifestyle. Cas deserved to experience things like a stable home, or working a job, or finding someone to love that wasn't a complete dick.

Dean's cigarette lit as soon as he heard a huff behind him. He turns around expecting Sam to being giving him bitch face number 23 (_Dean why do you insist on being stupid?_) but instead finds Castiel standing there, arms crossed.

"I'm just out getting some fresh air…" Dean mumbles lamely, feeling like a kid getting caught smoking by his Dad. Castiel raises an eyebrow at that.

"And a cigarette, I suppose." Dean grins sheepishly, and shrugs, "I do not approve of your life choice, Dean."

It's just been too long, and Dean laughs. A full genuine laugh, Castiel frowns at him even more, taking a step closer.

"Dean, do not laugh. Cigarettes have been shown to cause cancer, and heart disease. With the amount of greasy foods you consume, you should not add to your chances."

"Alright, Alright, though I didn't see that stopping you from feeding me a thoroughly greasy burger today," Castiel blushes at that, "But you shouldn't worry too much bout me."

"Dean, I worry a great deal about you."

"You should save that for Kyle," Dean admits, looking off into the distance instead of at Castiel, "Kyle, by the way. Great catch Cas, congrats man."

"Kyle?" Castiel questions, head tilting perfectly.

Dean just shakes his head and chuckles, "Yeah, Kyle. Your boyfriend, if he ever hurts you I'll make sure they can't find the body. Kyle."

"Kyle and I are not dating. We are merely friends and roommates." Castiel says, which fuck that's just awkward. What the hell. Dean doesn't know how to deal with this, and he can't just stay quiet, not after he went all possessive ex-boyfriend on Cas.

"Well, he's a fool if he's not in love with you. You should try to hit that, Cas." Dean says quietly, finding his shoes interesting and noticing that his cigarette has burnt out with out him taking another drag from it. He lets it fall to the ground and stomps it under his boot. He doesn't know why he's telling Cas to go for it, but he wants Cas to be happy, and if there is a chance Kyle can make Cas happy, Dean wants him to go for it.

"That's a very nice sediment, but my heart is set on someone else."

"Someone else?" Dean asks feeling his heart drop. He had been entertaining some idea where he could be with Cas again. They would work it out somehow, if this taught Dean anything it was that he was in love with Castiel, and he missed him. But fuck there was some other guy? How many gay guys lived in this small ass town anyways? Jesus, fuck, if there was some other guy, he was probably twice a great guy as Kyle, which meant he was about ten times better than Dean.

"Yes. He's quite dense, but I love him." Castiel says, and Dean can feel his eyes on him. He sighs, and looks up into blue eyes holding love and devotion, those eyes that will never be his again, never.

"That's great, Cas. Go get 'em."

"You think I should?" Castiel asks, and fuck Dean does not want to be giving him relationship advice. But he nods and considers getting another cigarette out.

"I just want you to be happy, Cas, and if he makes you happy, go for it."

"Alright." Castiel says, and pulls Dean closer, hands wrapping in his leather jacket, mouth pressing against Dean's. It takes Dean's mind a few minutes to put the pieces together, but when he does. Dean's hands go instantly to Castiel's hips, and pulling them close. Their bodies meld together, and Dean had forgotten how perfect Cas felt in his arms.

One of Cas' hands detangles itself from his jacket, to move up to cup his face. Cas licks at Dean's bottom lip. Dean growls and pulls their hips tighter against each other. Dean opens his mouth. Castiel's tongue invades his mouth, searching out every spot re-mapping it to memory.

Dean slides his hands up, and under Castiel's shirt, his thumbs tracing circles on Cas' slim hips. Castiel pulls away, and they both stare at each other panting. Castiel is the first one to move, and he ducks his head into the crook of Dean's neck.

"I missed you." Dean says, voice rough. Castiel kisses his neck, and he can feel the grin on his skin. He can also feel the grin disappear, and whatever Cas' mumbles against Dean's skin can't be good.

"Cas?" Dean asks as he leans back, to get a look at Cas' face. Cas pulls his head up, and looks at Dean in the eyes before he sighs, his hands letting go of Dean entirely, and trying to pull away. Dean just tightens his grip on Cas' hips.

"This doesn't change anything, Dean." Castiel starts.

"I know. I don't want you to give up anything, Cas." Dean says, thinking that he's getting too old to be on hunts. He's not twenty-six anymore, and he's always wanted to settle down right? He could do it, but Cas gives him a perfect Sam bitch face 66, _I know what you're thinking, and its stupid, stop it._ Sam had to have given him lessons.

"And I don't want you to give up anything either, Dean. You would hate it here. You'd get antsy, and want to go off, and one hunt turn into two, and then three and soon you'd be halfway across the country running away because you're trapped here."

How the fuck does Cas know all that. Dean could do it. He could stay domesticated for a while, who the hell did Cas think he was talking to? Like Dean was some jerk who would just disappear for weeks on end at one little problem… All right, so maybe Cas had some inside information.

"Then what's your solution?"

"I would prefer it if you would just stop by a few times a month…" Castiel says as he threads his hands around Dean's neck. Dean knows that he could do that, stop in on his trips from one side to the other. It might get tricky when he's too far for a few times a month, but he'd keep in touch in between.

"So, we're 'oh you happen to be in town, let's fuck' buddies?" Dean asks, not happy with this title. Cas gives his own special huff brand of laughter.

"Well, I'd like to think of you as being my long-distance boyfriend." Dean isn't too fond of this title either, "So we'd be exclusive."

Dean raises an eyebrow at that. Cas does have the decency to look a little sheepish. "Oh yeah, you should be worried, not like leaving you here with Kyle doesn't make me worry."

"Dean!"

"Oh so you get to be jealous, and insinuate that I sleep around, but not me?"

Castiel pouts at that. On that front Castiel has no leverage, Dean never slept around or cheated on any girl that he was dating. Those months with Cassie he never even looked at another girl.

Dean kisses the pout off of Cas' lips. _Yeah_, Dean thinks _this could work._


End file.
